Making a relationship work
Whether or not you’re having sex, the key to a good relationship is to communicate with each other. Guys aren’t mind readers, and whatever is bugging you, he needs to know about it. Having sex won’t magically make your relationship last forever, but being honest, saying how you feel and doing things at your own pace might.
Pucker up!
Once you’ve got that first, awkward snog out the way, you can become an expert.
Kissing is one of the best things about a relationship. As you get used to kissing each other, try it with tongues or even kiss his cheeks, nose and neck.
Be honest with him. If he sticks his tongue down your throat and it’s too much too soon, don’t be afraid to gently tell him so. He’ll only learn what you like if you tell him.
Kissing can lead to more serious stuff, but it doesn’t have to. If he’s pushing you to take things further, talk to parents or friends you trust.
All the fun without the risks
You don’t have to go all the way to have a good time. Having sex isn’t just about penetration, there are loads of ways to enjoy sex – and they can be less risky than full-sex too.
Building up to sex
If you and your boyfriend are close enough, but still getting to know each other, kissing, touching and gradually building up more serious stuff like oral sex is just as much fun as going all the way. There’s no risk of pregnancy and less chance of you getting an STI.
There’s no rush
Enjoying sex without penetration helps you relax and get to know what he does and doesn’t like. It also gives you time to decide if he’s the right person to go all the way with.
Am I really ready?
Just because you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean you have to have sex – or that your boyfriend does. And even if you’ve done it once or twice, you don’t have to carry on if it’s not something you’re enjoying or feeling comfortable and happy about.
If you agree with the following – the time might just be right:
He loves me as much as I love him.
We’ve talked about using condoms.
I’m not under pressure.
I won’t regret it tomorrow
I’m not trying to keep up with my friends.
I’m not doing it to make him love me.
I can stop at any point, and he’ll be fine with that.
It feels right.
Read more:
What makes a good relationship great?
What’s on his mind?
Sex is a big deal for both of you – just because he’s a boy doesn’t mean he’s more experienced or any less nervous than you. So what’s on his mind?
Trust: Like you, he wants to know that he can trust you – boys worry about their private lives being blabbed to their mates.
Naked truth: Most boys are nervous about being naked in front of girls – if you like his body, tell him.
Safe sex worries: Boys think about unplanned pregnancy and STIs too, but you shouldn’t expect him to always bring the condoms – carrying condoms yourself shows you’re mature, sensible and respect him.
Foreplay: Some boys want to get straight down to the nitty gritty – others enjoy kissing and cuddling as much as girls do. Ask him what he likes.
No pressure: Always take his feelings into account, never pressuring him about sex, even if you’ve done it before.
A girl's point of view
Kissing for the first time can be nerve-wracking, but remember snogging is natural, so relax and let your instincts take over.
Sex and alcohol don't mix: teenagers are twice as likely to have unprotected sex after drinking alcohol.
